spoilersThis is PRIDE month, and June 23 marks Bisexuality Visibility Day. I’m proud to delve into what that means to me, as an author and a bisexual woman. I’ve been granted a pen and a platform, and the privilege to sketch characters that breathe life into the unseen narratives of bisexual people.

The Unique Struggles of the Bi Community

The bisexual community, like all communities, is a mosaic of individuals with unique struggles and triumphs. Often misunderstood and overlooked within the broader LGBTQ+ spectrum, we grapple with a unique set of challenges: the societal desire to neatly box identities, the stereotypes that paint a distorted image of what it means to be bisexual, and the pervasive biphobia. These struggles are not theoretical; they are real and experienced daily by many.

The Importance of Visibility and Acceptance for Bi Individuals

Bisexuality is not a phase or a confusion. It’s real and should be named, if only for the kids coming after us who need to know they have a space. I made a conscious decision to name myself early in my career in coding and corporate journalism. Why not? I was bucking the trend already just by being female. As a cis woman married to a cis man, I could easily pass for heterosexual, but I chose visibility anyway. I declared my orientation in my work bio and joined non-heterosexual employee groups. I won’t participate in invisibility and the oversimplification of identities.

Why I Wrote a Bisexual Character

I somehow knew Andrew would be a black bisexual man as soon as I thought of him. I only know the bi part—his male and black characteristics required thorough research! At first, I just wrote “a person,” but soon realized his characteristics needed to have shaped him. His experiences as a black bisexual man influenced his generous, accepting worldview and had to be visible. Andrew says this explicitly in the book: “I was always too bi for my gay friends, too black for my white friends, I didn’t quite qualify for any one group. So, I decided to stop honoring the rules. Everyone is allowed in my group, just as they are.”

Avoiding the Trope of the Promiscuous Bi Friend

One of the significant challenges in writing Andrew was avoiding the pervasive tropes about bisexuality. It’s all too common to see bi characters portrayed as promiscuous, or with bisexuality as their primary (often contentious) trait. Andrew is not these. He does enjoy dating and sex, no question. But overall he’s just a pleasure-positive guy, eager for food, art, laughs, and friendship. His orientation isn’t a source of conflict, either. His friends love him as much he loves them. Andrew’s conflict, ironically, is in being too accepting of his easy ambitions. Trevor challenges him to do better, with surprising results.

Writing to tropes is an easy shorthand. Readers see familiar characters and need less explanation. The rules work, essentially. I just didn’t want to honor them. In Painting Celia, I challenged myself to do better, to write a complete, unique, bisexual person.

This Bisexuality Visibility Day, challenge the expectations that confine us to categories and stereotypes, that push us to pass as heterosexual or homosexual because it’s “close enough.” These rules, these narrow lanes, they’re flawed. If you can do it safely, defy the norms. Be visible, be authentic. In our relationships, in our stories and characters, we can embody this defiance. Stop honoring the rules. Be exactly you.

Happy PRIDE, everyone.